Although it’s been several months since I’ve last written, I’ve been sharing with you for four years now my life of being raised a churchboy. My efforts to reveal the questions, thoughts, and struggles I’d lived with for most of my life was also an admission of the beliefs and practices I had not only misbelieved myself but also taught and forced on others. I can’t really recall any expectations I had when this all began, but what started as a simple detailing of the struggles to free myself of the guilt, unworthiness, and shame grew into a journey I never expected. All I remember is I had such a joy and excitement over the love, peace, and acceptance I had finally found after searching for so many years I simply did not want to see others lived trapped by the life I was escaping. It was an unraveling and deconstructing of the person I was as I tasted true hope and freedom in a way I had never experienced before.
At times I’ve written out of hope, at times out of anger, and at times out of frustration. I’ve shared memories from childhood, stories of adolescence, and struggles from marriage and being a parent. Support and encouragement have come from friends and family I’ve known many years as well as new friends and acquaintances I’ve met along the way. Others I’ve shared life with have been less supportive sometimes making their feelings known, most just simply walking away. My admission of being wrong for so many years was simply too much for them to accept so in return they could no longer accept me.
The process of dismantling so much of what you’ve built your life on is treacherous and not a pain-free, easy experience. In efforts to distance yourself from your former self, you can actually become an anti-version of your former self. All the zeal, fervor, and passion I used to have for my religious ways took over in my efforts of being anti-religious. Memes and social media posts were often shared with an attitude of shock and awe to push the envelope and poke the bear of those stuck in my former churchboy ways. I once again became caught up in a mindset of us versus them – only this time it wasn’t Christians versus The World . . . it was legalistic, rule-abiding, traditional Christians versus grace loving, liberal, free Christians. So, once again I’m here to admit I was wrong.
This struggle and discovery are what has kept me from writing for the past four months. This time the undoing of myself wasn’t to be done publicly but was something to be done by myself and simply for myself. I distanced myself from all the things I had surrounded myself with throughout the journey: no podcasts were listened to, no blogs were read or written, and badges of being done with religion were removed from social media. During this time, I received the greatest support from my loving wife and the two men I have come know as brothers through Done with Religion, Jim Gordon and Mike Edwards. Other than those three, few have had any insight to the thoughts bouncing around inside my head.
So, is this a farewell from the blogging world from this former churchboy? I can’t say and choose not to speculate. With that being said, I want to take the time with what I feel have revealed themselves as the three undisputable beliefs which now govern my life:
God Loves You (and Me)
There is nothing that will ever change this. Nothing I can do will make him love me more, nothing I have done has made him love me more. Nothing I don’t do will make him love me less, nothing I haven’t done has made him live me less. He loves me as I am right now in this moment, not for the person I may or not become.
Love is the Only Thing That Matters
Love is the greatest force in the universe. Love is more important than being right, and love can overcome any wrong. Love is displayed in actions not words.
There is No Supposed To Be
We spend most of our life chasing the idea of how we think things should be. If we let our lives be governed by the first two beliefs above, we can learn to let go and enjoy life in the moments as they happen.
I have enjoyed sharing my life with all who have read over the last four years. This may or may not be the final post I ever write. If you would like to keep in touch, I am on most social media sites but for the sake of privacy I am more selective than I have been previously as to who I connect with. If you reach out, please introduce yourself.
Finally, if you are interested, listed below is a list of some of my favorite posts (or series) I’ve shared over the years.
Rocky, aka ChurchBoyNoMore
Favorite Posts from the Last Four Years
Confessions of a Recovering Churchboy 
Rocky, good stuff. We’ve been having that same conversation over here! Our last podcast is about this same stuff. I got off of Facebook because of all the noise and I felt I was just adding to the noise. We’re not sure of the future of our podcasts. Enjoying a quiet and peaceful life right now.
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Thanks Mike. The previous episode where you discussed Matt McMillen’s thought of “taking ten years to reach year one” dropped during the months I was living out the same thing and wondering whether I was through or not. Truth is, whether I am or not is not important. Reducing the noise and practicing and pursuing peace and love is more important than any of it.
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Hey Rocky, this is a really sweet post, and I respect your honesty and humility. In my opinion, you are being too hard on yourself. I mean, okay, maybe you were wrong or too harsh (I have been there myself, and I KNOW I was too harsh). But, the fact is that you were set free from Churchianity and from legalism, from “The Law of Moses,” and you are simply going through your teenager stage. You know? In other words, your freedom from the Law caused GROWTH. Spiritual growth. And you were so excited about your freedom from being a Church Boy that you put yourself out there and TOLD people about it!! 😵 (Very brave!) And as you grew in the grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, you entered your teenage years, and began to be a little ‘teenage-ish’ in your attitude towards others “less enlightened” than yourself. 🙂 I WENT THROUGH THIS MYSELF. So, I am really just describing my own experience, so feel free to reject my way of describing your “being wrong.” I’m trying to encourage you. I am speaking from a place of total sympathy and empathy. In fact, this one dear lady who I argued vehemently with ended up dying of cancer shortly after our public (facebook) argument regarding “are Christians under the Law or not.” And it kind of freaked me out that she was then in the presence of the Lord and was able to hear Him say, ‘Yeah, that Lisa lady was right. I brought the Law to an end. You ‘were’ free from religion.” She got to hear the truth directly from the mouth of the TRUTH Himself!! I knew that I had been too harsh on her, too teenage-like, but I also knew I was right because the Lord Himself had set me free and taught me the truth. . . . Anyway, I’m Lisa, and I’d love to stay in touch (I blog at MomForFreedom), and also, I don’t think you should quit blogging.
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Thanks Lisa and very nice to meet you!! I also appreciate your encouragement to keep on. I’m really just leaving it in God’s hands. I had become obsessed with trying to keep myself on some type of writing schedule and that proved itself just as much of a bondage as I was breaking free from.
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Oh, okay, I hear ya! Keep on trusting Him. He will lead you. . . . It’s funny, cause I’m kind of in the opposite boat; I “beat myself up” and condemn myself for not having a regular writing schedule! 😄
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Hi
My name is D’Arcy Davis. I have enjoyed reading your blogs. In so many ways you have mirrored where I have been and are now walking in a fuller less unencumbered walk. I want to say thank you for sharing theses past years. Knowing that His love will continue to shine in you and through you. So blessing my brother in all. Amen.. D’Arcy
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you, D’Arcy for such kind words and for taking the time to read what I’ve written.
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Greetings Rocky, my name is Cal, I’ve been out of the religious anti-Christ church system for a couple of decades.
You can check out my “testimony” at my newly started blog, if you so desire. Because I agree with you, that we must be very discerning who we meet up with. In these last days, the treachery that is out there amongst so-called “brethren” is just alarming, but as Our Lord stated, that it will and can be a lonely walk, most of the time alone, and when we are alone, then the Lord can speak.
Thank you for sharing your struggle, and yes you are correct, once the Lord is calling “deep unto deep” other’s will not understand and they shall walk away….it’s painful and we suffer, but that is the path our dear Lord and His Apostles walked, shall it be any different for us?
No……..He has called us to be One with Him, as He was one with His Father……and suffering is a big part of the union………and shall we not be equal with the Father as He was?
Php_2:6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
The Lord bless you…….
In His Love….
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Thanks for reading, Call, and nice to meet you. I look forward to checking out your blog.
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